It's Not About Me. . .

This week's Cafe' Chat meme (http://www.internetcafedevotions.com) is:

The catchphrase “It’s not about me” has become quite popular in our current world today. What does that phrase mean to you in your personal life? Explain.

For Christians, this phrase will take on different meaning at almost every turn of one's spiritual walk. As a Christian in ministry, this phrase has taken on a definite and distinct implication for me over the past few years.

Those in ministry (and those who follow and support those in ministry) know that Satan has over and over again used well-meaning church members to tear down God’s Church. Whenever and wherever God is at serious work changing lives, Satan gets nervous and takes his crack at destroying the work. III John 9-11 gives the account of one such individual in the New Testament church named Diotrephes:

I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will have nothing to do with us. So if I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, gossiping maliciously about us. Not satisfied with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers. He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church. Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God.

When those of us in ministry come under attack, the assault becomes -- to a certain extent -- very personal. When an individual in our church (we'll allow her to remain anonymous) sent my husband a e-mail last Spring letting us know that she did not think we were even saved, we took it personally. When my face was scribbled out of our family’s church directory photo and stuffed it in the prayer-request box, we took it personally.

The attacks and assaults previous to this and following were many. They all came from a very small group of troubled and frustrated women who have long been a problem in the church. The attacks were personal. And they continue to the present. Many people have encouraged us to file criminal charges against one particular individual whose identity is known. Law enforcement has defined the actions as “harassing” and “criminal.” To date, we have not filed charges.

You could say – with complete accuracy -- that we were not at peace about the situation.

Isaiah 26:3 says: You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.

So. . . was my mind on Him? Probably not. Was I making the situation all "about me?" Probably yes. John MacArthur illuminates this verse about perfect peace in a way that really got me thinking: “A fixed disposition of trust in the Lord brings a peace that that the wicked can never know. Such reliance precludes double mindedness and serving two masters.”

Isaiah 48:22 says, “There is no peace," says the LORD, "for the wicked."
The idea is repeated in Isaiah 57:21: "There is no peace," says my God, "for the wicked."

James 1:6-8 says, “But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."

Matthew 6:24: "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other."

WOW! By refusing to feel peace about the situation and allowing myself to forsake the stillness and serenity of fully trusting in God, was I bordering on “wicked?” Was my reaction to these women -- our Diotrophes' -- and thier immature, wayward and hateful behavior just as imperfect and appalling to God? Was I making it all "about me?"

In two words: Yes. Absolutely!

We all know people who are not “at peace.” We probably don’t use that terminology in describing them. We more likely refer to them as troubled, distressed, anxious, unsettled, etc. Scripture is neither this benign nor benevolent in its description of those who are not “at peace.”

“A fixed disposition of trust in the Lord brings a peace that that the wicked can never know.”

Bottom line: God's Word tells us that if we are not a peace, we are wicked. We are allowing the Wicked-One to rule our thinking, our attitude, and our reaction to circumstances.

Several days ago, I happened to run into one of the individuals who attacked my husband and whose malicious gossip has and will continue to have widespread effects on his ministry and the church’s reputation -- one of our Diotrephes'. To my surprise, I was not bitter when I caught sight of her.

On the other hand, she was obviously taken back at my presence. She made a swift and rushed exit in such haste that it created a slight spectacle in the convenience store. Strangers surrounding us gave puzzled glances, glimpsing at me and then back at her. She did give me a fleeting look and muttered something, but she was unmistakably anxious and uneasy. She was obviously not at peace. It was at that moment, I realized that the personal attacks on my husband, me, our ministry, and the church were no longer “about me.”

As someone in ministry, the phrase "It's not about me" suddenly took on definite and distinct implication and I was taken back to my own personal testimony and call to ministry.

My passion, my calling, my burden, my ministry is and has been for many years . . . women: Christian women and women church-members alike (the two are NOT always mutually exclusive) need a better understanding of God's plan for them. They need to be grounded in God’s Word – to fully understand their place and their role in family, society and church life in terms of what God says. His Word is very clear on the issue. This has become all too important in a time in church history when the "new evangelical" movement has seriously side-stepped God’s Word as the absolute final authority on all things.

How, as a Christian -- and a Christian in ministry with a burden for women! -- could I possibly make Satan's attacks (via troubled women) about ME?

"It's not about me!" It's about God's church. It's about fulfilling our calling to bring people to the Cross of Christ. It's about allowing people to see themselves in the light of God's Word. If this causes Satan to become flustered and attack, we should know we've done our job. And done it well!

"It's not about me." It's about praying for the Diotrephes' in our ministry -- praying that they will see themselves in the light of God's Word -- that they will come to the Cross of Christ -- that they will see their wicked ways -- and that they will find Perfect Peace.

- Esthermay Bentley-Goossen

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Fun With the Sitemeter & Things Done in Secret

Scroll down and notice that counter you see over there on the right. It shows nearly 7,000 visits, which I’m most surprised at because whether people realize this or not, I don’t blog that often! But lately, my sitemeter is a virtual treasure trove. I guess you like me, right now, you like me!" Of course you'd have to have been born before about 1980 to understand this.

I’ve enjoyed looking through the referring URL’s to the The Heart of a Pastor’s Wife. They really do yield some surprises from time to time, and show just how many ways - both accidental and deliberate - people come across this blog. It’s equally enjoying to observe the IP addresses of those who visit the blog. Fascinating how the IP addresses of so many of my visitors correspond with e-mail address in my MS Office Outlook and our church's e-mail directory. Are people aware that IP addresses are not a secret? No problem. I’m flattered that you're visiting. The purpose of this blog -- and my husband's blog -- is to allow readers to see life's circumstances in the mirror of God’s Word and be blessed. Everyone is welcome!

To the person in Phoenix who found this site searching Google for "Must wear a diaper” --- Wow, not sure what you’re dealing with there, but I was only making reference to the rule in my own house that you must wear a diaper unless and until you’re potty-trained. You might also be interested in some rather unique uses for diapers on my husband's blog.

To the person in Gauteng, South Africa who found the site searching, "what word means Pastor’s Wife” --- In the English language, there is no one word that defines a pastor's wife; but a rough definition might be:

Pastor's Wife (păs’tĕrz - wīf) noun
1. In the evangelical church, the woman married to the man (i.e. pastor) having spiritual charge over a congregation.
2. The one women in every church who must graciously fit every congregant’s version of Cinderella's glass slipper.

In context of posts on this site, see the definition of the Greek word katastema

To my friend at mayo.edu – I’m puzzled as to why you visit so religiously every[work]day (sometimes more than once). Are you looking for something in particular? I guess “you like me.” And I hope you enjoyed your visit in the Prayer Room.

For the person in Lexington, Kentucky searching, “Does this cheese taste funny” --- I feel your pain.

To the person searching, "Vacuum cleaner as *****”," -- Sorry. I most certainly do not feel your pain. But you're more than welcome to see how we use the vacuum cleaner in the Goossen Home. (It does pick up a lot of dried cheese which I'm sure tastes funny.)

To the person searching for the "role of a pastor’s wife," --- Welcome! We`ve got a lot of that going on around here.

To the many persons searching gossip --- yeah, we`ve got that, too.

Kim Pospisil was nice enough to place my blog on her website as a link. I don't know much about her, except that she is also a pastor wife and lives in Wisconsin. Thanks, Kim.

Since Lisa McKay added me to her Married to the Ministry BlogRoll, I've been getting quite a few accidental tourists really perusing the blog in depth. (We're talking 30+ minute visits.) Thanks, ladies. Hope you were blessed. There really are a lot of us commentator-essayist-bloggin' pastor's wives. Scary, huh?

I apologize to the poor soul who ended up here whilst looking for Hello Kitty Toys. I did make mention of my daughter’s Hello Kitty necklace about a year ago. But it’s not for sale. Sorry. Might I suggest e-bay? Isn’t the Internet amazing?!

I also apologize to my friend Paulette who visits faithfully every Monday from her workstation at indiana.edu. You’re absolutely right - I really need to blog more. The Book-Proposal continues to be a work in progress!

Oh, one more apology: My friend at Express Personnel visits quite frequently too. She's a deliberate visitor. She comes straight in from typing “The Heart of a Pastor’s Wife” at Google. I’m sorry that there’s so little up-to-date content. However. . . . Waaaay back in February 2007, I did post a piece about needing to express my need for my relationship with my husband to grow and flourish. I also wrote once in 2006 about the King James Version expressing something quite beautifully. But I’ve never once used the word "personnel" in the history of the blog. Sorry. I do hope find what you need. Then again, maybe you just “like me.”

My fun with the sitemeter and the use of the sitemeter by bloggers everywhere got me thinking about things done in secret. I admit, I’ve landed on a few blogs after a Google query and I might not be too keen on anyone knowing precisely what I was searching for to begin with.... I’m even less enthusiastic knowing that my IP address is showing up on their sitemeter statistics and that IP addresses can be traced. Yikes!

Ephesians 4:13 says, “It is shameful to talk about what some people do in secret.” Hebrews 4:13 says, "There is nothing that can be hid from God; everything in all creation is exposed and lies open before his eyes. And it is to him that we must all give an account of ourselves." An even more sobering thought is found in Ecclesiastes 12:14: "God is going to judge everything we do, whether good or bad, even things done in secret."

God is Omniscience. -- He is ALL Knowing. Webster defines omniscience as “the quality of knowing all things at once; universal knowledge; knowledge unbounded or infinite.” God knows our thoughts, our feelings, our desires and our needs and our motivation for doing everything we do. He knows our words before we say them and he knows our thoughts before we think them. He knows who we’re going to be rude to before we’ve even contrived the manner in which we're going to be rude! He knows too if our heart is so blind and hardened that we don't realize that what we're doing is rude. He knows all of our ways. In fact, God even knew us before we were born. There are no secrets before Almighty God. In short, God possesses superior knowledge and wisdom about everything and that knowledge is all encompassing. He knows the thoughts of every person on the planet right now, at this instant – all six billion plus people. He knows everything about everybody all the time, down to the most intimate detail – even what we do on the Internet. He doesn’t need a sitemeter or an IP search. He doesn’t need to read blogs or newspapers and He doesn't need to meet with friends over coffee to discuss the latest rumors. He already knows it -- about you and everyone else on earth too. He knows what motivated you to read this blog and how you'll use what you've learned. This fact will give you pause if you dwell upon it.

“O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. … For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

- Psalm 139:1-6, 13-16

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A Virtuous Woman. . . Avoids & Resists Gossip

The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of a life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men [and women], who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers [and sisters], this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?
- James 3:6-11

(This is the fifth in a series on “A Virtuous Woman…”)

For a long as I can remember I have avoided deep relationships with other women. Women can be the cruelest of creatures. Really I think it dates back to Genesis Chapter 3. There is something in us that broke that day. Something we continually have to struggle against. It seems to be in the very core of our being to pit one another against each other. And what is so very sad is that we see it in churches as readily as the secular workplace.

Women have always been the most deadly critics of other women. They know how to wound with precision. They know how to judge. They know how to look another woman over from head to toe, inside and out, and then make a diagnosis of all the ills they have found. Why do we do that? So that we don’t have to look at ourselves. Because we are jealous creatures. Because we have not learned how to love.

Proverbs 18:8 says that “The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body.” This basically means that it is part of our basic sinful nature to have an appetite for gossip. In a lot of ways gossip can be the single most destructive force in a church. And how often it is women who spearhead this slander. Men don’t seem to have the same capacity for gossip as women. Without even meaning to sometimes it seems we start talking innocently enough, and then we notice a look or a raised eyebrow and we find ourselves discussing someone that we simply shouldn’t be. So often it is done with a cloak of concern. “Did you hear about so-and-so, isn’t it a shame.” And the sad thing is that we often fool ourselves into believing that we are simply talking out of concern, not gossip! But, gossip masquerading as “concern” can and does turn into a far more decisive tool. . . a tool that Satan very much enjoys to see used in God’s Church. We are all guilty to some degree. I am ashamed to admit I like to know what is going on. I tend to cloak my concern under the “so I can pray for it” attitude instead of leaving well enough alone! But, “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.” (Proverbs 20:19) Wow! The scorn in those two words: “simple babbler!” The images that come to mind with that phrase are not pretty.

One of the hardest things to do as women is really not to listen to gossip. Really, when someone starts talking about someone else we really need to simply shut our ears and tell that person to change the subject. But how hard is that?! In doing so, we are opening ourselves up to ridicule from the gossiper. After all, we already know that person is more than willing to discuss other people with whomever! People want desperately for others to think the same way they do…to have the same opinions about people and situations. And as the relational creatures we are, it is so easy to simply listen, telling ourselves that we won’t pass along the information, therefore what harm is it doing? But like it or not we are letting the dirt into our minds and hearts and allowing someone else’s opinions to shape what we are thinking. As women we are susceptible to this sin. As Christians, we must guard our hearts in this matter.

One of the areas I’ve never really been sure how to handle is gossip among a group of unbelievers. With a group of Christian women, they at least know this is something they should not be doing. But, non-Christians are not guided by the same principles. Gossip in the secular world is common and it’s acceptable. Is it enough in these situations to lead by example, not participating, not gossiping and changing the subject quickly? Or should we be bolder? And what do you do if you sense that unbelievers are among a group of believers and that their chit-chat is more malicious than it appears? Do you simply remove yourself or do you do more? (You answer.)

A call to ladies hurt by and affected by gossip: Find your joy in Christ, not other women. We are blessed with female companionship, certainly, but we will fail one another. Believe me. We will say hurtful things, and be thoughtless. We will make judgments and be neglectful. We will not love and cherish one another as we should. But we will be and are loved and cherished nevertheless. By Another.

Last month I wrote that I had been in church my entire life. I can say with absolute certainly -- and alongside many other life-long Christians – that Christians will be the people who will most let you down in this world. As Christians, we expect more from each other, we expect better. We should, however, know better. It is Christ alone that we must look to for affirmation. Only HE can fulfill us.

Esthermay Bentley-Goossen

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