On the Sidelines. . . With Camera

"Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive.
~ I Corinthians 10:23

The word “constructive” here is the Greek word “oikedomeo.” It literally means a “house-builder.”

Ever watch a four-year-old “build a house?”

Shepard built one today in a pile of leaves. Really. The boy used some cars from the sandbox -- a weather-beaten Snickers® wrapper -- and a piece of broken plastic from a lawn chair. He really wasn’t building as much as he was playing. But. . . he’s FOUR-Years-Old!

Play is permissible when you’re four.

Play is “permissible” when you’re forty-four too . . . which brings me back to I Corinthians 10:23: It is a verse that is almost impossible to take out of context.

See what verse 24 says. . .

“Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.”

And verse 33 is such an excellent conclusion to the matter:

“. . . even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.”

Here’s something I’ve noticed in churches: Church is an excellent place to observe a vast range of both chronological ages and spiritual maturity – you’ve got children and youth (and some adults) who are content to just have fun and partake in the social interaction that church offers. But you also have those spiritually mature Christians who are contributing to the edification and building-up of the church body.

Those who just come for the social stuff aren’t necessarily detracting, but they definitely aren’t contributing to the Kingdom. The social fun is certainly “permissible,” but it’s not necessarily beneficial or constructive to the ultimate goal of seeing people “saved” (I Corinthians 10:33).

Now. . .don't get me wrong. Fellowship and evangelism are absolutely necessary in the Body of Christ. Of course we need social interaction and fun in the Body of Christ -- and if done in the right spirit, serves the ultimate goal of seeing people saved!

But Paul is speaking to Christians in I Corinthians. The Christian's ultimate goal is to build-up the Body of Christ -- and bring people to Salvation. And, oh! how this is needed in the church today. If you believe for a second that churches are made up entirely of believers -- think again!

We need the social interaction and fun and I love that Scripture makes clear that fun is permissible! It is the spiritually mature and creative church that can use the permissible to reach the ultimate goal of seeing people saved. I want to be part of a church like that!

I don’t think Paul is telling anyone that they cannot have fun. His words are presented so we can ask ourselves if our actions are truly building up the Body of Christ, or if we are just standing on the sidelines watching others do the work while we take in the fun.

. . . Today I stood on the sidelines (with a camera) and watched my husband rake leaves. I watched Shepard build a house out of garbage and enjoy himself in a way that only a carefree four-year-old can. I hate to think of life without the "permissible."

- Esthermay Bentley-Goossen

2:27 PM | 10 comments | Read More

Submission in Marriage . . . A Painful Situation?

. . . if you identify at all with the stuggle women have over this issue (and who of us doesn't?), then "Yes," it can be a painful situation. But. . .

. . . we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

~Romans 8:28

The word submit is surely one of the most difficult, disliked, and divisive words in the Bible. Easily cataloged among both the tender and agonizing situations in many women's lives.

Biblical Submission -- unless you are one of those well-heeled women who have never grappled with its dichotomy in our post-modern world -- is just another of those initially bad or painful situations that God always works together for good.

When I married Mark, I knew that there were many things in my life that would definitely have to change. I had been single for nearly forty years, was quite independent, very self-sufficient and perhaps a bit small-minded. I learned almost immediately that Mark was the head of our home, and I needed to submit to his authority.

Here’s how some of our first arguments went:

Mark: “You just need to submit to my authority and there will be no problem.”

Esthermay: “And you just need to love me as Christ loves the Church and I will!”

Ever had that conversation?

Three months into my idyllic and blissful (yea, right) state of "Happily Married," I was (#1) understanding why I'd waited four decades to say "I do!" And (#2) asking myself, "Who is this (gentle)man to whom I had eternally pledged my love and honor?"

See, we both understood what Scripture said. Problem was, (and I’ll speak for myself) I hadn’t yet learned that submission is a doctrine that you apply to yourself. Not your spouse.

Notice in Ephesians 5:21-33, Paul does not say, “Husbands, tell you wife to submit” – or, “Wives, tell you husband to step up and be the spiritual head of the home.” Instead, he speaks to each person individually about his or her own attitude.

Submission is obviously something that Paul believes every Christian can and should do because he illustrates submission with examples:

● wives and husbands

● children and parents

● slaves and masters

In each example, one person has more power, and one person has far less power. In Paul’s day, a wife had no legal rights. Men had all the power, all the financial advantages and virtually all the education. Pagan philosophy was still guiding the culture and women were thought of as damaged, inferior forms of men. With an imbalance of power like that, husbands could easily control their wives, using them to make their lives easier. And wives could easily resist, rebel, and make their husbands’ lives miserable.

God’s solution: Submission. Submission means that we willingly limit what we might naturally do in our relationships in order to benefit the other person. Out of reverence for Christ, we use our position in the relationship to serve the other person.

And when Paul says “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” the Greek word for submit is not a command. The command is back in verse 18: “…be filled with the Spirit.”

Submitting is just a natural expression of that.

Now, here’s where we need to go back to the very beginning to learn God’s plan and watch things unfold and understand why the next verse says, “Wives, submit to your husbands.”

When God walked through the garden and found Adam and Eve hiding, shivering in the nakedness of their sin, He told Eve, “Thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” (Genesis 3:16)

There are different interpretations of the first half of this verse, but it’s the last half that is of consequence. I’ll be the first to admit it. I don’t like the verse! Some days, I hate that verse.

But it’s God’s Word. God has established a chain of command. Things may have been different if sin hadn’t entered the garden, but it did and now there is a definite order of authority in the universe.

I Corinthians 11:3 spells it out, “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” There is no shame or dishonor for a woman to be under authority. The Lord Jesus submitted to the authority of the Father and we can be sure that God thinks no less of us because we are women.

We have His promise in Galatians 3:28: “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

For my husband to be what God wants him to be, it is extremely important that I, as his wife, do my best to fulfill my purpose and role. Including submission.

It may seem old fashion and impossible to live out in today’s world. But submission is absolutely Scriptural; and if we called according to His Purpose -- and are willing to do what God shows us through His Word -- He will cause it to work together for us.

~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*

Today --six years into the bliss -- the Knight in Shining Armor of Small-Farm-Town-Minnesota and Moi are much closer to the "Happily Married" part. I only wish I'd found him when I was 20!

~ Esthermay Bentley-Goossen
© Copyright 2008 The Heart of a Pastor's Wife

12:14 PM | 10 comments | Read More

Whatever You Do. . .

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

- Colossians 3:23-24

I don't like to shop at Aldi. where I live. I just don't like the atmosphere. It smells funny, --like wet cardboard -- you have to bring your own grocery bags, and the ceiling is too low.

I don't like Doritos. Call me a health-nut -- call me odd. I just don't like 'em. Never have. And there are restaurants I won't eat at. . . . I do not like Taco Bell. Everything on the menu tastes the same to me.

We all have businesses and restaurants and companies that we avoid. Americans even boycott products from other countries. (Can you say "French" Fries?)

We all arbitrarily and unfairly judge businesses and products. It's an exercise of the free enterprise system and I am more than guilty. Whether it's because we don't share the same political view, or the company's profits are not spent in a way we see as ethical, or the service is bad, or the building is unclean, or the merchandise is not pretty to look at . . . whatever. . . we are all all choosy. We all want the best for ourselves and our families. . . . And without even realizing it, we are being a Proverbs 31 Woman:

"She perceiveth that her merchandise is good."

- Proverbs 31:18

With that in mind, 1 Corinthians 10:31 should be a guiding principle in our lives too:

"Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."

So, Colossians 3:23-34 should guide our every action too,

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

As a Christian, everything I do reflects my attitude toward God. I know in my heart that every move I make is either a testimony of my love for God or disobedience to His Word. There is no relativism in God's Word despite what the world tells me.

Other people see my actions. And they know that they can either depend upon me because I depend on Him and I am working with all my heart, as working for the Lord, not others, since I know that I will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. Or they can conclude that I'm just another woman who calls herself a "Christian."

I don't want to be a Taco Bell or a bag of Doritos or an Aldi Food Store. Not that there's anything wrong with these things. I admit: I have arbitrarily and unfairly judged these entities. (Please don't e-mail me.)

. . . But the world does arbitrarily and unfairly judge people all the time. Especially people who wear the "Christian" nametag. . . .

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”
- Colossians 3:23-24

- Esthermay Bentley-Goossen

© Copyright 2008 The Heart of a Pastor's Wife

7:06 PM | 2 comments | Read More

It's Not About Me. . .

This week's Cafe' Chat meme (http://www.internetcafedevotions.com) is:

The catchphrase “It’s not about me” has become quite popular in our current world today. What does that phrase mean to you in your personal life? Explain.

For Christians, this phrase will take on different meaning at almost every turn of one's spiritual walk. As a Christian in ministry, this phrase has taken on a definite and distinct implication for me over the past few years.

Those in ministry (and those who follow and support those in ministry) know that Satan has over and over again used well-meaning church members to tear down God’s Church. Whenever and wherever God is at serious work changing lives, Satan gets nervous and takes his crack at destroying the work. III John 9-11 gives the account of one such individual in the New Testament church named Diotrephes:

I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will have nothing to do with us. So if I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, gossiping maliciously about us. Not satisfied with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers. He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church. Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God.

When those of us in ministry come under attack, the assault becomes -- to a certain extent -- very personal. When an individual in our church (we'll allow her to remain anonymous) sent my husband a e-mail last Spring letting us know that she did not think we were even saved, we took it personally. When my face was scribbled out of our family’s church directory photo and stuffed it in the prayer-request box, we took it personally.

The attacks and assaults previous to this and following were many. They all came from a very small group of troubled and frustrated women who have long been a problem in the church. The attacks were personal. And they continue to the present. Many people have encouraged us to file criminal charges against one particular individual whose identity is known. Law enforcement has defined the actions as “harassing” and “criminal.” To date, we have not filed charges.

You could say – with complete accuracy -- that we were not at peace about the situation.

Isaiah 26:3 says: You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.

So. . . was my mind on Him? Probably not. Was I making the situation all "about me?" Probably yes. John MacArthur illuminates this verse about perfect peace in a way that really got me thinking: “A fixed disposition of trust in the Lord brings a peace that that the wicked can never know. Such reliance precludes double mindedness and serving two masters.”

Isaiah 48:22 says, “There is no peace," says the LORD, "for the wicked."
The idea is repeated in Isaiah 57:21: "There is no peace," says my God, "for the wicked."

James 1:6-8 says, “But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."

Matthew 6:24: "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other."

WOW! By refusing to feel peace about the situation and allowing myself to forsake the stillness and serenity of fully trusting in God, was I bordering on “wicked?” Was my reaction to these women -- our Diotrophes' -- and thier immature, wayward and hateful behavior just as imperfect and appalling to God? Was I making it all "about me?"

In two words: Yes. Absolutely!

We all know people who are not “at peace.” We probably don’t use that terminology in describing them. We more likely refer to them as troubled, distressed, anxious, unsettled, etc. Scripture is neither this benign nor benevolent in its description of those who are not “at peace.”

“A fixed disposition of trust in the Lord brings a peace that that the wicked can never know.”

Bottom line: God's Word tells us that if we are not a peace, we are wicked. We are allowing the Wicked-One to rule our thinking, our attitude, and our reaction to circumstances.

Several days ago, I happened to run into one of the individuals who attacked my husband and whose malicious gossip has and will continue to have widespread effects on his ministry and the church’s reputation -- one of our Diotrephes'. To my surprise, I was not bitter when I caught sight of her.

On the other hand, she was obviously taken back at my presence. She made a swift and rushed exit in such haste that it created a slight spectacle in the convenience store. Strangers surrounding us gave puzzled glances, glimpsing at me and then back at her. She did give me a fleeting look and muttered something, but she was unmistakably anxious and uneasy. She was obviously not at peace. It was at that moment, I realized that the personal attacks on my husband, me, our ministry, and the church were no longer “about me.”

As someone in ministry, the phrase "It's not about me" suddenly took on definite and distinct implication and I was taken back to my own personal testimony and call to ministry.

My passion, my calling, my burden, my ministry is and has been for many years . . . women: Christian women and women church-members alike (the two are NOT always mutually exclusive) need a better understanding of God's plan for them. They need to be grounded in God’s Word – to fully understand their place and their role in family, society and church life in terms of what God says. His Word is very clear on the issue. This has become all too important in a time in church history when the "new evangelical" movement has seriously side-stepped God’s Word as the absolute final authority on all things.

How, as a Christian -- and a Christian in ministry with a burden for women! -- could I possibly make Satan's attacks (via troubled women) about ME?

"It's not about me!" It's about God's church. It's about fulfilling our calling to bring people to the Cross of Christ. It's about allowing people to see themselves in the light of God's Word. If this causes Satan to become flustered and attack, we should know we've done our job. And done it well!

"It's not about me." It's about praying for the Diotrephes' in our ministry -- praying that they will see themselves in the light of God's Word -- that they will come to the Cross of Christ -- that they will see their wicked ways -- and that they will find Perfect Peace.

- Esthermay Bentley-Goossen

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1:00 PM | 16 comments | Read More

My Mom Signed my Autograph Book!

"What is the greatest lesson you learned from your mother?"

(In response to the Internet Cafe's Weekly Question)When I was in fourth-grade, autograph books were really cool, in vogue, modish, all the rage. I wanted one so badly. All my girlfriends had one. But my mom was not exactly a trendy mom of the times. My mom was a "so if all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?" kind-of mom. I didn't get my autograph book right quick; and when she finally did buy me one, she wanted to be the first to sign it. Of course it was not very cool, in vogue, modish, all the rage to have your mother sign your autograph book. But what could I say? Here's what she wrote:

All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness; that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work. - II Timothy 3:16-17 Love, Mom

My mother was a straightforward, uncomplicated theologian who was not ashamed of anything the Bible had to say. She was an astute student of God's Word. And I don't use the word "theologian" just to add panache here. Theology is simply the knowledge of God. It is not the result of organized higher education and study or exercising reason. My mom was simple. She loved Jesus and she read her Bible. And the older I get the more I look just like her I mean. . . the more I am beginning to #1 appreciate this; and #2 live it.

A quick summary of this doctrine is this:

The Bible is the absolute final authority on all things.

And this is the greatest lesson I learned from My Mom.

Of course, my mom was not without advice for the less consequential things in life. Secondary to doctrine (but no less important), I learned the following things from My Mom:

► Always carry kleenex in your purse. And if you're not carrying a purse, stick a kleenex in your sleeve.

► Always carry a purse.

► When shopping for clothes, always go with the one you picked off the rack first.

► The color of your shoes should never be lighter than the hemline of whatever you're wearing.

► If you lose track of time while shopping, blame the very l--o--n--n--n-g train you had to stop for.

► If you're short on funds, take it out of your tithe - because God probably wants you to have it.

► Men can't hear. And they don't listen either.

Esthermay Bentley-Goossen

4:08 PM | 8 comments | Read More

Dinner With C.S. Lewis

"If you could have a conversation over dinner with any one person, dead or alive, with the exception of Jesus, who would it be and why"?

C.S. Lewis. He was a brilliant writer, and as a writer myself, I love Lewis' intellectual and scholarly slant. I love his use of logic and reason to put spiritual matters into a form that logical people cannot help but understand. And because my husband also puts C.S. Lewis at the top of his list of favorite authors/people, we could enjoy the meal and conversation together! (Probably Ribs and Cheesecake.)

Lewis used his writing to direct people 'further up and further in'. His logic carries us to a certain point, then leaves us to ponder and continue upward on our own. I love how he uses sources other than scripture to back up his arguments. He shows that there are little gleams of truth elsewhere, that can be used to strengthen our own faith.

As a writer, I aspire -- like C.S. Lewis -- to get people to look at everyday circumstances and be inspired to think more about their relationship with and position before God.

I want to be the kind of writer who makes people feel like they're banging their head against a brick wall while reading. . . and then have it all suddenly make perfect sense later. And I would of course become become skilled at this sitting under the discipline of C.S. Lewis for the evening over dinner. (Yea, right!) A girl can dream.

-Esthermay

9:32 AM | 4 comments | Read More